![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
my mistyping experiences
so, for a very long time and actually up until earlier this year, i'd typed myself first as an infp, then an inxp leaning f, which is remarkable now that i feel a lot more sure that i'm an intp, haha. the only reason i'd begun to consider being an intp is because i made one of my friends take it when we were 13, and then she said she got intp, and i looked at the profile for it and something about it resonated with me.
personally, i know i'm a very empathetic person who feels very strongly. whether it's about values or about people or just my own emotions, i do know what i like, and what i want is important to me. i do act on my emotions.
but at the same time, i also rationalize things out a lot - especially my emotions. i have to internally explain them to myself, work through a pattern and from a source, understand logics from point A to point B and so on. not only that but it's not something that i try to do - i just do it because i need to internally understand what it is, even if myself, as long as it makes sense to me.
and i think that's the thing, at least for me. there's a strong sense of feeling - but beyond that an even stronger foundation of objective logic. i'm very capable of being subjectively personal, but to me, it's not enough if i'm just like "well, that's just me." to me that doesn't make sense - i can't simply trust myself. it feels baseless for me to go "well it's just me" - i have to drive it into the ground, rationally, rather than, say, musing over my thoughts and values and other things that just come from me.
and it's not to say that infps are illogical - because there's no correlation with that - but rather that if i were an infp, i feel like it'd be more of an understanding of myself. when i realized i was an intp it was actually a lot more through understanding mbti itself, because to me, mbti is an objective system (that is, yes, a theory) that i can use as a logical framework and deepen my understanding of it to apply it to myself. it would've been far more infp of me to locate my wants and wonder if i was only considering an intp because i wanted to be (which flitted through my mind but not much of a fixation) or what parts of me were infp vs intp and where i felt more strongly with either. with being an intp, i was more open to the logical possibilities that could result in me being either rather than personally feeling that i was more one than the either.
but all that aside, i think the main reason i still stuck with infp for a long time was because of how emotional i knew i was capable of being. the thing is, while i may both express and feel strongly, that doesn't ultimately mean that i work logically first. the same way an infp may be very logical and analytical, but still prioritize the way they feel about things rather than an objective logic. which is just as valid as the other! the thing with me is that i felt like my Ti - logic - was so "common sense" that i saw it less of as part of my mbti than my Fi, which was so strong.
but it was so much less inherent than my Ti! like i still use it as a shadow function (and on the topic of shadow functions i also know use my Se a lot) but it's just not the instinctive way i approach things. and Ti isn't a fixation or assistant to anything - i just like doing things that make logical sense to me, like puzzles or code or talking about the technicalities of writing! Fi would be more happier just pursuing personal interests because they're personal interests. they could be logical or not, but it's not founded in logic - it's just founded on personal enjoyment.
anyway - i could also get into my inferior functions here, but honestly it made more sense for me to have inferior Fe than Te bc my perception of having a possible inferior Te was actually just externally projected onto me so i thought it was more reliable than actually a pretty efficient Te as long as i was interested LOL. but yeah!
so to everyone else out there who's still debilitating between types - don't worry, it happens to quite a number of people, especially with T-types who know that they feel strongly. i feel like it's a question of T feels more innate than F, or the other way around, regardless of how much you can feel or how analytical you can be.
personally, i know i'm a very empathetic person who feels very strongly. whether it's about values or about people or just my own emotions, i do know what i like, and what i want is important to me. i do act on my emotions.
but at the same time, i also rationalize things out a lot - especially my emotions. i have to internally explain them to myself, work through a pattern and from a source, understand logics from point A to point B and so on. not only that but it's not something that i try to do - i just do it because i need to internally understand what it is, even if myself, as long as it makes sense to me.
and i think that's the thing, at least for me. there's a strong sense of feeling - but beyond that an even stronger foundation of objective logic. i'm very capable of being subjectively personal, but to me, it's not enough if i'm just like "well, that's just me." to me that doesn't make sense - i can't simply trust myself. it feels baseless for me to go "well it's just me" - i have to drive it into the ground, rationally, rather than, say, musing over my thoughts and values and other things that just come from me.
and it's not to say that infps are illogical - because there's no correlation with that - but rather that if i were an infp, i feel like it'd be more of an understanding of myself. when i realized i was an intp it was actually a lot more through understanding mbti itself, because to me, mbti is an objective system (that is, yes, a theory) that i can use as a logical framework and deepen my understanding of it to apply it to myself. it would've been far more infp of me to locate my wants and wonder if i was only considering an intp because i wanted to be (which flitted through my mind but not much of a fixation) or what parts of me were infp vs intp and where i felt more strongly with either. with being an intp, i was more open to the logical possibilities that could result in me being either rather than personally feeling that i was more one than the either.
but all that aside, i think the main reason i still stuck with infp for a long time was because of how emotional i knew i was capable of being. the thing is, while i may both express and feel strongly, that doesn't ultimately mean that i work logically first. the same way an infp may be very logical and analytical, but still prioritize the way they feel about things rather than an objective logic. which is just as valid as the other! the thing with me is that i felt like my Ti - logic - was so "common sense" that i saw it less of as part of my mbti than my Fi, which was so strong.
but it was so much less inherent than my Ti! like i still use it as a shadow function (and on the topic of shadow functions i also know use my Se a lot) but it's just not the instinctive way i approach things. and Ti isn't a fixation or assistant to anything - i just like doing things that make logical sense to me, like puzzles or code or talking about the technicalities of writing! Fi would be more happier just pursuing personal interests because they're personal interests. they could be logical or not, but it's not founded in logic - it's just founded on personal enjoyment.
anyway - i could also get into my inferior functions here, but honestly it made more sense for me to have inferior Fe than Te bc my perception of having a possible inferior Te was actually just externally projected onto me so i thought it was more reliable than actually a pretty efficient Te as long as i was interested LOL. but yeah!
so to everyone else out there who's still debilitating between types - don't worry, it happens to quite a number of people, especially with T-types who know that they feel strongly. i feel like it's a question of T feels more innate than F, or the other way around, regardless of how much you can feel or how analytical you can be.